There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
