Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we made out on top of his cat.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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