I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
