I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
