No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
