I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
