Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
