Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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