he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
