a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Even my vagina gasped.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
