How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
