U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
