Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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