they need to just BURY HIM!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
