Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
