i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
