I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
