I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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