shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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