Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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