Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
