Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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