New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
