Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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