VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
