she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
