I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
