True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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