JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I need water and some morals
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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