Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
