You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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