Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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