This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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