The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
