The brown eye won't let me do that either.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
