I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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