a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
