I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
