Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
