i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
