Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
