jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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