He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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