just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
