Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
