My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
