Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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