I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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