doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
