What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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