I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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